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  • Chapter 2: Realisation

Cleansing Thobatol
Chapter 2: Realisation
James Jago

Thobatol had been a lovely town, before... well, before whatever the hell happened. They must have spent weeks smoothing off the passageways, and almost every available wall had been engraved with images of the local wildlife, or scenes of everyday fortress activities and events out of history. Dwarves working in the forges and workshops, or digging coal and iron or working in the fields. Town meetings, elections of new mayors, visits from caravans or diplomats.

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An interesting development

NotACat — July 31, 2009 - 3:01am

I spotted one typo: "There was no room to use3 a sword" should not presumably have that 3 embedded in it.

There's a strange narrative jump when the elves turn up. It seems on first glance as if they actually ride into the jail on horse-back. Maybe you could make it more clear when the dwarves move outside because I had to read it several times and I'm still not sure if I'm following that bit.

I agree that it's good to see a story where elves and dwarves cooperate on good terms. I'm not quite sure about the "ritual cannibalism" reference, but it looks to be about something related to kuru, although the symptoms of that more usually involve shaking and trembling rather than frothing. An interesting bit of background information nonetheless.

Do you happen to have a map of Thobatol? I'd find that helpful in following the action.

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Fair Points

James Jago — July 31, 2009 - 1:53pm

Thanks for the heads-up on the typo, and looking back on it that scene does need a little cleaning up.

You're correct; 'elfbane' and 'the frothing sickness' are both terms for a TSE much like kuru, but whose symptoms include irrational anger and aggression in addition to the loss of physical and mental faculties.

And a map can probably be arranged; I'll get back to you on that.

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This story is so creepy, I

Phoenix — July 31, 2009 - 2:27am

This story is so creepy, I put it on my only ever read it brought daylight list. I like how you include elves, dwarfes and so on...
Nix

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Nice mix!

Frances — July 30, 2009 - 5:36pm

I like how you mix both fantasy and horror with the dwarves, elves and zombies. Really interesting idea and it works very well. I can't wait to read more!

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Zombies! :D This is getting

Dangams — July 30, 2009 - 5:15pm

Zombies! :D
This is getting interesting. I like the idea of elves and dwarves as good neighbours, something far too far in stereotypical fantasy.

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